Taking Action Can Save Your Relationship

Positive close personal relationships, such as those found within couples, are one of the key ingredients to living a happy and fulfilled life. When our relationships are not going well it affects our ability to work well, to parent well, to feel happiness and live the life we want to live. We can feel confused, desperate for change, angry, scared and depressed. Likewise when our closest relationships are going well, everything else seems a little easier; we feel happier, more productive and generally satisfied with life. The power of relationships is part of the reason so many people enter into close partnerships and marriages.

As a couple’s therapist, my job is to help you create the relationship you want to have. This process begins with defining the goals for counseling. Every couple is different and has their own ideas about what their ideal relationship would be like. I help you frame your goals in terms of what you want to have in your relationship versus what you want to avoid. We then begin to work toward creating that fulfilling relationship.

Often, people I work with say they tend to have the same disagreements over and over and feel as if they are spinning their wheels. Some clients have even told me they felt this way in previous attempts at counseling. I have discovered that one way to keep moving forward is to have some structure to the work we do together. I will encourage you to focus on the 4 C’s of a healthy relationship that come from a system called “Couples Power” by Sheras and Koch-Sheras. The four C’s are Commitment, Cooperation, Communication and Community. These are key ingredients in having a healthy relationship. Using this as a framework, I help you understand what has led your relationship astray and help you build the skills needed to create the relationship you desire.

I am a firm believer that positive relationships are built and maintained, not just found. Strong feelings, love, and excitement often initially draw people together; however, these feelings rarely sustain a relationship on their own. With this idea comes the belief that, if you are both willing to put effort into your relationship, it is possible to create the type of relationship you desire.

Through my work as a Custody Mediator, I have seen first hand devastating results of contempt in a failed relationship. Contempt develops when resentments are left unaddressed. I have become determined to help clients avoid those pains as well as the emotional and financial costs of divorce.

The sooner you begin to work on addressing challenges the easier it is to make positive change. I encourage you to take the first steps toward change. It is never too late to try. By focusing on where you want to go with your relationship and practicing the skills that will get you there, creating change can be a really enjoyable process with wonderful lifelong benefits.